Showing posts tagged life.

Hopeless Dreamer

Ask me anything   "Me Just Being Me"

Not A Happy Robot

 I rarely do this but what the hell… it’s really bad that not a lot of people actually KNOW me, really know me. I sing and dance to literally every song I love on the radio, but no one has ever seen me but my parents lol I have my “blonde” moments, I curse all the time (its really bad),I get pissed and I get depressed.Sometime I want to punch people in the face, I’m freaking human. I yell and cry just like everyone else (well not EXACTLY like everyone but you get what I mean hopefully) I’m not this bundle of happiness and smiley faces all the time I just tend to leave my drama where it belongs and not drag it around where ever I go. I smile to make others feel good SO it’s about time people realize that I’m not ALWAYS this super happy ‘I love the world’ ‘peace and love’ kind of person. I can be a bitch too (really I can, no lie lol) and sometimes I just don’t give a shit. That’s life.

— 1 year ago
#life  #happiness  #robot  #impressions  #drama  #this is me 
Finally Doing Something About It

  I have been the chubby, sweet, friendly, polite, smart girl with a heart of gold, all my life and who knows maybe I’ll always be that way, but not the chubby. All my life I’ve had to fight to control my weight, hating myself all the time and I shouldn’t because I’m lucky to be alive and I’m lucky to have a loving family and awesome friends, but of course my friends are almost nothing like me. Which only causes me to compare myself to everyone around me, which if I could give you any advice at all its NOT to compare yourself to anyone because your special the way you are (which makes me sound hypocritical, but I know the feeling). Growing up a certain way, having red hair, freckles, being short or really tall it teaches you how to act. Every learns differently, some people fight to protect themselves, others don’t let any one too close to hurt them in the first place. When I was younger I used to be this awesome person that others would look up to, which sounds extremely weird I was 7 or 8 years old. I remember people explaining how they couldn’t stand up for themselves the way I did when someone called me a name. Thinking about it now I wonder what happened? Why did I change? , I guess I couldn’t help it, I’m not sure but maybe I just got tired of having to defend myself all the time. Of course I got made fun of, I mean who hasn’t? After awhile of it though it gets old. I guess I just got tired of crying in front of people got tired of even saying anything at all so when Middle school started and then all through high school everything changed. I became this shy and quiet girl, I stayed nice but when someone bullied me or called me a name I didn’t like, I just brushed it off and kept everything inside. Which of course isn’t healthy because eventually something’s bound to make you snap and every feeling and every tear you wanted to shed before will come rushing out in a billion ways, but again I need to stop. Hopefully this blog (if you can even call this a blog) can help me get everything out. I doubt anyone would read this anyway, but this is therapeutic, its kind of helping already.

Moving On…! The reason i actually wanted to type something today was because besides explaining to the entire web that I’m chubby and was picked on (Boo Hoo!) Today is the semi-beginning of a change. “Semi” because it started about two three months ago i think, and I’ve already lost 35 lbs, I’m still heavy , but when someone you haven’t seen in awhile sees you and tells you how great you look you can’t help but feel AWESOME. I don’t get complimented a lot and I’m not whining, but it feels great, probably (most likely) one of the best feelings someone can ever have. Maybe I’m setting my goal to high, but the weight I’d like to be at, my dream weight would be 120 lbs. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be content with 130 or 135 lbs I just dream to be 120 and if I try hard enough and ban all negative thoughts from my mind I think I can do it. It’s my life and I have 100 years to live it the way I want to, if I’m lucky I can have more. I’m doing this for me, so I can look into that mirror and love how I look.

— 2 years ago
#life  #change  #weight loss  #bullying  #awesome  #shy  #confident 
It’s Time For A Change

Here goes nothing.

Starting tomorrow (or my next post) I will write, about anything my heart and mind desire. My thoughts, my opinions, and my fears. Who I am. How I am. and What I wish to be, because I can’t keep it inside anymore. These things should be documented, written down to remember because if and/or when I actually start achieving things and start to finally change my life into something amazing. I’ll be able to look back and see the exact time, date, year that everything started to get better. The exact moment when I finally stopped being a certain way, stopped acting like I was still 16 and the exact moment when I started to finally grow up. So far, I’m 19 years old, living at home, not attending college due to financial difficulties, don’t have my license (working on it) and a first time employee (aka never had a job until now that didn’t include taking care of kids).

So yea, Life doesn’t feel like it started yet for me, I feel like I’m still a kid while my friends are starting to grow up or already have.

I’m finally exploding, everything I’ve held in for so long is soon to come out to the open, which for me is both very strange and a BIG relief.


9:59 4/19/12 

(Thurs.) Day 1

— 2 years ago
#life  #Change  #growing up  #taking a stand  #exploding